So it’s true!

I have always been a loyal friend, I can say that with conviction and I know I have a lot of friends who can attest to that (raise your hands please!). And in my loyalty, I have the privilege of knowing secrets, things not for everybody’s consumption. Sometimes it’s just so amazing how people trust me. Though I can be trusted (ahem), completely (promise!), problem is…I sometimes have to deal with my own rationale on things with the information or secret disclose to me. Just this week, I learned a huge secret from a friend…can’t tell you what…hehehe (told you, I can be trusted). With the revelation, I felt sad and confused at the same time, though after internalizing things, felt compassion for the friend and happy also. It’s the truth that sets us free, so somehow telling the secret is FREEDOM! Nothing’s change, we’re still friends and definitely the secrets revealed will deepen the friendship. There are just some thoughts that bothered me after, making me write this post. I don’t condemn my friend, OH NO! definitely not, it’s not for me and I just can’t, it’s just that it brought about a lot of questions for me. Perhaps I live in another world, I have different conviction or I am different. I don’t really, easily believe in rumors, no matter how many people are saying the same things, no matter how reliable the sources, I refused to believe rumors, coz I always want information straight from the mouth of babes. I always believe that there are three sides of the story, yours, the other party and the truth. And when it comes to rumor about friends, I would love to hear my friend’s side of the story rather than conclude base on what I heard others are saying, YES! even if sometimes it’s so obvious already. Perhaps because I want not just the end but what really transpired or the how did it ended that way. I have to struggle in putting myself in the person shoes rather than just ride the wave. I want to see clearly, to understand, to see the bigger picture (but it’s not always like that, at least I’m trying). For this reason I was once described as unsympathetic, mundane, oh well...but I kinda like that coz that’s also the reason why they also say that my concept of people isn’t jaded by what I heard but I base my friendships on my personal relationship with the person. Call me naïve also, coz what I see is what I believe the person to be. I always believe in kindness and that there is good in every person. Although I also know that we are all capable of doing bad things, I can be wicked at times, I also fabricate lies (white lies, small lies, still it’s a lie and it’s bad). But I was shocked with my friends’ revelation I couldn’t believe my friend is capable of that! Yeah! I am naïve, my sleeping with a guy is just plain sleeping while the world’s definition is not…hehe. But I chose to stay that way, I don’t like the wisdom of the world, I wouldn’t mind people laughing at my naivety. I want to stay this way! Another question I have is the purity of friendship, when to put malice on friends’ relationship, when to pull somebody less they fall especially if they really can’t be. I wish I can talk to my friend some more but then I’m also thinking I shouldn’t I’ll just wait for the time that it will be revealed, out in the open, to a bigger audience…..FREEDOM at last!

Ako, 6 November 2009