Today is my second day at home…I filed a one week leave. At first I plan to go somewhere but budget prevented me from doing so. Then another plan is to see an Internist but too lazy to go to the hospital, I kind of think that perhaps I can do that after my APE. And so, since I really don’t want to go to work, here I am at home….
I love the long, very long sleep. Taking a bath on a late afternoon since I’m not going anywhere. I’m practicing being a bum, sleep late, wake up late, eat breakfast at lunch time, watching all the shows on television, eat lunch at snack time, sleep again, or like now write a little. I should be planning but my button is off for planning mode. I don’t even want to think, I just want lazying around. Both my mind and my body is shut down right now, I’m not even wanting to clean my room, cleaning my room meant I’m already ready to fight boredom, it’s distressing for me, it’s like cleaning my soul, my life of any burden…but today I’m not stress, I’m more than that and I’m afraid I don’t know yet how to get out of it.
A brother from church preached that everyone is undergoing a process…and I think I’m failing miserably. He said we cannot undo the things that has been done but we can introduce new things so that change may come. And that’s what I been trying to do..to know and apply that something new. What could be that new thing?
I need to risk! I need to take a chance on something! On someone! I need to be somewhere where I would be alive, enthusiastic, and passionate. I need to need something and I will not let go until I have it… I need that tiny step of courage away from too familiar….
Ako, 7 September 2010
I love the long, very long sleep. Taking a bath on a late afternoon since I’m not going anywhere. I’m practicing being a bum, sleep late, wake up late, eat breakfast at lunch time, watching all the shows on television, eat lunch at snack time, sleep again, or like now write a little. I should be planning but my button is off for planning mode. I don’t even want to think, I just want lazying around. Both my mind and my body is shut down right now, I’m not even wanting to clean my room, cleaning my room meant I’m already ready to fight boredom, it’s distressing for me, it’s like cleaning my soul, my life of any burden…but today I’m not stress, I’m more than that and I’m afraid I don’t know yet how to get out of it.
A brother from church preached that everyone is undergoing a process…and I think I’m failing miserably. He said we cannot undo the things that has been done but we can introduce new things so that change may come. And that’s what I been trying to do..to know and apply that something new. What could be that new thing?
I need to risk! I need to take a chance on something! On someone! I need to be somewhere where I would be alive, enthusiastic, and passionate. I need to need something and I will not let go until I have it… I need that tiny step of courage away from too familiar….
Ako, 7 September 2010
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